I’ve been struggling with the idea of writing this post about how not to send fanmail EVER for more than a week now. Just because I did send the fanmail and… I had no shame while the crime was on the works. Or at least I wasn’t in my best mindset. Never binge watch a show while taking a beer and then go near a keyboard. Seriously: you can end up finding a mail you sent to your mailbox in Facebook (oh crap!) days later and surprise yourself. What was I thinking!? Not all the facepalms in the world can capture the feeling I felt when I found out what I had done… Seriously? [I obviously cannot be left alone at home… someone create a dagger, put my name on it and control me, please!]
So, this is how not to send fanmail EVER! [Read carefully, and whatever happens, do not follow my steps into the darkness. It’s dangerous!]
1. Do not binge watch shows drinking beer and forget to eating some snacks.
Since I stopped eating food with processed sugar in it, I’ve changed my diet a bit. And this means that my snacks for binge watching shows have changed. [Alcohol hasn’t.] So, after a while carrots aren’t that fun. I felt like Bugs Bunny after the second carrot, so at some point it was only sipping the funny beer… [I could blame the sugar, it would be nice, but it’s a lame excuse.]
2. Don’t do what I said above alone. EVER!
As you guessed, my sweetie wasn’t around, so there was no one to stop me from watching more episodes than I should have. Hence, no one to tell me that more carrots are good, and please start sipping some hot tea.
3. SAFK: Stay Away From Keyboards.
If, for some reason, you managed to do 1 and 2, be sure not to have any keyboards around. Keep your phone away. As far away as you can. I know, it’s fun twitting about all the new stuff you’re discovering on the show. But [there had to be a huge BUT] you can end up sending funny fanmail to a poor celeb who might end up reading it… I repeat the chills: that might end up reading it.
4. Never write things like this!
If you happen to binge watch a show for too long, with too much beer and only two carrots in your stomach, alone and near a keyboard, please refrain from typing. Anything that will come out in those moments of weakness can end up looking like this:
Hello [imagine name of celeb here],
(Or better, hello whoever does the social media for you, hey! Sorry knocking on the digital door, pal, I know you’re working on social media and doing your best and you have to read all this nonsense from fans xDDDD But I had to write this at 2:32am Brighton time after binge watching some episodes to try to catch up with the US…) I usually don’t mail anyone famous I like (mainly because that option is impossible), and because I’m lazy (what I would say but nonsensical stuff like… what you’re reading.) [Note: if you keep the option available for mails, and if the likes keep on rising… you’re going to be flooded with nonsensical fanmail like…this one? LOL Again, whoever does the social media, or if it’s the real [imagine name of celeb here], my respect and condolences for the amount of weird stuff that you’ll be reading!]
Anyway, reason for writing…I am shocked you haven’t more likes on FB, I mean… I had envisioned this massive amount of millions and all, like with [imagine name of celeb here] and now I am here writing out of shock. I’m sure you’ll get a massive amount of likes… like in massive sheer amounts. [Which means nothing because it’s a number, but, anyway… social media dictates that you have to have millions, but, it’s just FB and pure marketing, but I really hope you get flooded with massive amounts of likes, love and zero trolls.]
And what else but wishing that you keep your work playing [imagine name of fictional character here] for many seasons [let’s hope writers keep your character alive so we can enjoy a little bit more [imagine name of fictional character here]]
[Worse fanmail ever…Ha!]
Anyway, I’ll keep on shipping [imagine name of whatever ship that comes to your mind here] and being mischievous on my blog promoting the show so you have more fans. [I’m quite good at converting people xDDD]
Thumbs up from a [imagine name of celeb/fictional character here]’s fan,
ps: for the possible social media guy: soooorryyyyy, I bet you’re already fed up of all this nonsense xDDDD Pat pat on the back.
This is not a work of fiction. [I wished!]
Yes! I actually sent that mail!!! I repeat the chills: I did send that fanmail! And you know what? What if the celeb reads that mail!? I’m doomed forever! I could argue that the carrots didn’t suit my stomach, or that Loki made me do it… But I think that I am short of excuses as a fangirl.
For the record: not even this will stop me from binge watching shows alone. [I know, I should write here that I won’t do it again, but since I must be a Villain, I won’t.] I’ll try to keep the keyboards far, far away, in another galaxy!
Okay… someone… anyone… tell me! HOW COULD I SEND THIS THING!?
ps: You guessed it! I’m not going to disclose the name of the
victim celeb here. [Facepalming myself at the moment.]